Trying to Find My Way

This is going to be a rambling post so, I hope you will forgive me for that.  The last several months have been very challenging for me and I am still trying to find my way through it.  In the Fall, I was diagnosed as having anxiety and depression which was not particularly shocking to me.  For as long as I can remember, there has been a mighty battle waging within me and sometimes the weaker side of me gives in.  That is where I feel like I’ve been for the last few months.  It has been such a dark lonely place and sometimes I just don’t know how I function on a daily basis.  That said, I’m not suicidal or anything like that, just really emotionally exhausted and don’t want to get out of bed.  Since I homeschool my two boys that isn’t an option for me so, I trudge on, forging ahead as best I can in my day-to-day duties.

For my family I try very hard to put on a happy face because who wants to be around someone who is sad all the time?  Many days, my boys are my saving grace because they can distract me and make me laugh like no one else can.  Sometimes though, the mask slips and I let my true emotional state show and it is too much for some to bear.  My husband has a particularly hard time with it.  I guess it’s because he wants so badly for me to be happy all the time and he feels responsible if I’m not but, it has nothing to do with him.  It’s all within me and, while I try to hide it,  that isn’t always going to be possible.

My hope is that this year I can get a grip on myself and find ways to channel my negative energy into something positive.  Since giving up my photography business, I have found other hobbies to occupy my time and those certainly bring me pockets of joy.  Sewing, knitting, embroidery all are things that keep me busy and provide me with a little piece of something beautiful that was created with my own two hands.  It is incredibly satisfying to make something like that.  Photography is still a part of my life, too, just not in the same way it was.

We actually had a really wonderful Christmas.  Our house was decorated early, our tree was up early, the boys and I made sugar cookies and decorated them together.  Sean was home for a week and a half and that was really nice.  He got a promotion last year and it has taken him away from home nearly 3 weeks out of the month.  That has been quite an adjustment to make but we’re learning to deal with it.

Right now, I’m working on a pretty little ABC sampler I got and hope to finish it in the next day or two.  It’s coming along rather well and I’m proud of myself for picking it up and getting the hang of it right away.  Speaking of which, I think I’ll go work it right now.  :)

Hope all is well in your world.  Happy New Year!

Finding Joy

It’s very easy in this world we’re in of technologic interconnectedness to compare our lives to others and think they are living a better, happier life than we are.  Most of time, things that are posted on Facebook are the best events happening in that person’s life.  Occasionally you have a friend who posts negativity non-stop but most people want you to think that everything is just hunky-dory.  For a while I found myself getting sucked into that and feeling like my life was so blah when compared to that of my “friends” and I had to take a FB timeout.  It was then that I promised myself not to fall into that trap again and instead I would go on a daily search for the Joy in my life.  Since I have a passion (maybe a little talent?) for photography it seemed appropriate to capture the Joy in images.  It’s a visual reminder of the awesomeness I encounter every day, even in the most mundane moments.  It has really helped me see that my life is charmed and that my family makes me feel blessed.  Here is a little peek for you, too.

The boys ordered some goodies for themselves using their Game Stop PowerUp points and they were SO excited when they arrived.  A Zelda beltbuckle, an Assassin’s Creed armband, and a Rainbow Dash armband.

A whimsical life -Zelda belt buckle A Whimsical Life - Assasins Creed bracelet

 

One of my favorite things about the summer is the availability of fresh fruit.  There is something so cheerful about a brightly composed Mango Salsa or Fruit Salad.  My kitchen smells amazing when I’m putting it all together and my taste buds sing with gratitude when I eat it.

A Whimsical Life - Mango Salsa A Whimsical Life - Fruit Salsa

Ohhhh, look at that.  A chocolate croissant.  Nobody’s going to lose weight eating that every day but once in a while a croissant is a beautiful thing.

A Whimsical Life - Chocolate Croissant

These people make me smile.  A lot.  I cannot imagine my life without them.

A Whimsical Life - A Tweenager A Whimsical Life - outtakes A Whimsical Life - Brothers A Whimsical Life - The squid A Whimsical Life - My Heart and Soul A Whimsical Life - Runny Nose

 

These are just a few of the things that I found Joy in and there will certainly be more day after day.  Even now, Iain and I are spending the afternoon watching a Castle marathon.  It’s our new favorite show.  We absolutely love the acting and the writing.  Iain is totally into sarcasm so Nathan Fillion’s character is his fave.  I love Mr. Fillion also, for totally different reasons.  LOL!  It’s great though to be able to sit with both boys and enjoy a show like this together.  We laugh so much when we’re watching it!  Another show we love to watch is Doctor Who.  Last year we got totally sucked into it and now are Whovians through and through.  My Doctor is #10 but I did grow to appreciate #11.  Just in time for him to decide it was time for him to move on, too.  We are anxiously awaiting the 50th anniversary special in November to see how everything shakes out.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for today.  I hope you look around you and find the Joy in your life, too.  It’s always there.  All you have to do is look.  <3

Time Keeps on Slippin’

There have been so many days when I thought, “Hey, I need to post this on the blog” but just never got around to it.  Now you’re stuck with one of those lame posts that bloggers put up about how long it has been, blah blah blah.  So what’s going on here?  Seems like so much and so little all at the same time really.  Let me try and break it all down.

For our homeschooling friends, you know we were unschooling for a long time and loved it.  Now though, we’ve begun to feel like more structure would benefit all of us so we have moved away from unschooling and have started the boys on a couple of new, schooly-type things.  The first thing is Teaching Textbooks for math.  Where the hell was this when I was in school??  My god, this curriculum is fantastic!!  I am following along with Iain because math has never been my strong suit and this program makes it so easy for me to understand.  Both boys really like it, too, so that makes it all worth while.  We have also purchased a semester’s worth of Moving Beyond the Page that the boys will share.  This curriculum is challenging in its scope but I love its approach.  It teaches concepts through literature and two of the things the boys will be reading are John Steinbeck’s, “the Pearl” and Tolkien’s, “The Hobbit”.  So, I am a HUGE fan of Lord of the Rings but really didn’t enjoy “The Hobbit” all that much when I read it.  I will be reading along with the boys though and maybe I’ll have a different perspective. We’ll see! So far, the boys have been up for the challenge and I’m looking forward to getting more into the curriculum with them.

What’s going on with me personally.  Lord.  I am in the place I’m always in. One day up next day down.  My health has been such a trial for me this year which has really sucked.  I think I FINALLY have it all under control though and am committed to spending the rest of this year getting my body into kick-ass shape.  Well, kick-ass shape for *me*.  ;)  A few years ago I had promised to get myself into shape for my 40th birthday and that didn’t happen.  This year, I’m turning 42 (HOLY SHIT) and am much further along in the process to living a healthier life.  It feels so good to be able to say that!!  Although, 42?!  How did that happen? One day, you’re turning 21 and lamenting the short time you have left before you turn 30 (LOL) and then BAM!  You’re turning 42.  That is just crazy.  I do not feel at all like I’m in my 40’s and my husband will tell you I don’t act like it.  ROFL That’s cool though.  It helps keep me looking young. (cough, cough)

This summer was crazy because I had surgery and that kept us from doing a lot of what we’d normally do.  We did get to go out on our boat last weekend though and it was freaking AMAZING.  We met another couple we know up there with their two daughters and had the best time ever on the boat.  Sailing is still not my bag, baby, but with the wind in the sails like it was that day, I could totally get the appeal of it.  Our friends have recentlyl gotten into paddleboarding so they brought two along and everyone (except panic girl here) got on and tried it out.  The kids absolutely loved it.  Here is a pic of all 4 of them on one.

IMG_0158

Aren’t they an adorable bunch?

Well, I swear I have some awesome posts rolling around in my cobwebby brain and they will be “put to paper” sometime soon.  Hopefully, this was a good update for now!  I hope all is well in your world!!